Message 5090 of 22774 in Behind the Bar

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> As I am taking orders, the person that has been waiting for one or 
> two minutes and starts their order with "Ummmmmm," gets told to have 
> their order ready the next time I come back to them, because I don't 
> have the time and the fellow next to him know exactly what he wants. 
> (This is called training your coustomers.)  I say it with a smile so 
> it isn't taken as mean or whatever, and generaly these people learn 
> that their ordering technique dorectly affects how quickly they get 
> their drinks.


Jessikate, are you familiar with Mondern Drunkard magazine?  It's a great 
site, I discovered it when a friend sent me a link to "The 86 Rules of 
Boozing".  Your post reminded me of a couple of great rules on that list, ones 
I wish I could post over the bar on large signs:

"66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in 
front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.”  

I can tell that some older guys have trouble reading the handles but those 
with 20/20 (or close) vision have no excuse.  

Here's the one that your post brought to mind:

"74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, 
you do not deserve a drink."

More at http://www.drunkard.com/issues/01-02/01_02_booze_rules.htm

This happens all of the time (I guess it happens to all of us in this 
business).  Just last night I had a guy sit down, starts asking me about how 
late the kitchen is open, what kind of beer we have (the bottles are on the 
shelf behind me), then I spot two guys standing at the end of the bar looking 
fairly eager.  I just broke off from Mr. Indecisive and went to the two who 
ordered, gave me money, got their drinks and were gone in less than a minute.  
I think he learned something that day.

I trained another customer the other night.  He walked in, ordered 
Glenfiddich, asked me if there was a discount for a double ("No..."), went 
ahead and made it a double anyways, then said he was going outside to smoke.  
I went to my well and poured it for him in a rocks glass full of ice 
(pondering, right after I did it, if he'd want it on the rocks).  Well crap, 
he sits down and looks at me like I left a pile of feces in front of him and 
says he wanted it neat.  I grabbed another glass and poured the scotch into 
it, then I asked him if he'd like me to just pour a fresh one.  He said no, 
he'll drink this one, but you should never taint a single malt scotch with 
water or ice.  I told him that half of my orders for even that SINGLE MALT 
SCOTCH ask for it on the rocks.  If you're a scotch connisieur I can see why 
you might feel that way, but I figure if you care about your scotch so damn 
much you should know how to order it: "Double Glenfiddich, neat."  Three 
little words that tell me exactly what you want.  I'm not Zoltan the psychic 
bartender and every bartender has different experience and background, you 
shouldn't assume that your preference is the standard across the land.  One of 
my biggest gripes is the customers who don't know how to order what they want 
and then give you the crazy eyes when you get it "wrong".  

Anywho...the next night the same guy walks up to the bar and this time he says 
those three words that tell me exactly what he wants.  He stiffed me that 
first night but maybe I've spared other bartenders he'll come into contact 
with the aggravation that I had to deal with.