Message 5124 of 22774 in Behind the Bar

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> - "If ewe'd like sir, when I close the bar soon, ewe can wait in the 
> street 
> until I've cleaned the bar and counted the cash, and if the till is 
> ten pounds 
> over (which I doubt), I will happily refund ewe.

Good news is that this exactly is our official policy, handed down from on 
high. Of course it doesn't satisfy just about anyone, but I can happily follow 
it up with my little tale about how this situation has occured four times in 
the last twelve months - and three of those times the offender has either 
found the elusive large-denomination bill, or been reminded by their friends 
they bought the last round in the previous bar, and has had to spend the rest 
of the night being effusively apologetic. I think that number 4 just slunk off 
in shame ;-)

> A customer vying for my attention on a busy night. When I get to 
> them, they 
> indicate the person next to them should be served. Both get ignored.
> Next customer.

This is definately one of my favorites :-B
Well, at least it is if the target attempts to pass the ball back to the first 
numbskull. You both lose.

> Idiots who spill their drinks over the bar/drop the glass, and feel 
> within 
> their rights to ask for a free replacement.

Exactly as I got tonight. So:
"You're just telling me that you are unable to hold your glass correctly, 
and just made a bloody mess all over the floor? You're lucky I'm not telling 
you to leave!"

I've also done the countdown :-B Gets a good laugh.

While I'm in a venting vein I'll add:

"What beers have you got?"
- "How much time do you have?" 
or
- "The ones you can see over there..."

"I don't know what I want"
- "That's OK, I'm here all night. She, however may not be ... can I help you 
over there?"

"Excuse Me!"
"You're excused! Don't do it again! :-B " (keep doing what ever I was doing - 
ie: serving the appropriate drink to the appropriate person.)

This one too, as Q. observed in his note, usually gets a good laugh - from the 
victims friends at least.

sigh There are days when I would savour the time to recommend a new 
drink or specially chosen cocktail to someone who is not really sure what they 
feel like ... but after 11PM on a Saturday is NOT that day!

Remind me again, why do I love this business so much?

.dan.