The Webtender
Bartender's Handbook

Drinking games - Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Introduction

Requirements:

Instructions:

Simple. Watch the show, and whenever a condition is met, take the appropriate number of drinks. The definition of "drink" should be decided before game play starts. Usually, a good mouthful will suffice. Optional rules are included at the end of the list for fun variations on the "standard" game.

Compiler's Note:

I would advise taking some time before game play starts to decide which conditions to use and which to ignore. Remember that this list is canonical, so you probably will not want to use them all (especially with a new episode, since you'll spend all your time reading the list, rather than watching).

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Category: Condition                                      : Number of Drinks
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
General :  "Open hailing frequencies"                    :          1
Quotes  :  "Medical emergency"                           :          1
        :  "Belay that order"                            :          1
        :  "Energize"                                    :          1
        :  "Hell", "Damn" and other swearing.            :          1
        :      SEE ALSO: Riker's special swearing rules. :
        :  "It's not like anything I've ever seen before":          1
        :  "Impossible"                                  :          1
        :  "Impossible" while watching the "impossible"  :          2
        :  "Shut up, Wesley"                             :          3
        :  "On screen"                                   :          1
        :  "Understood"                                  :          1
        :  "Set phasers on..."                           :          1
        :  "Acknowledged"                                :          1
        :  "Priority One"                                :          1
        :  "Just a little more time...!"                 :          1
        :  "Eastern/Western/Southern/Northern Continent" :          2
        :  "The Klingon Home Planet" or other reference  :
        :      without actually giving it a name         :          2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
General :  A female crewmember has flawless makeup after :
Actions :      she's been put through the ringer         :          1
        :  A crewmember straightens his/her uniform      :          1 ea.
        :      SEE ALSO: Picard's special uniform rules. :
        :  A crewmember drinks (outside of 10 Forward)   :          1 ea.
        :      SEE ALSO: Picard's special drinking rules.:
        :  A bridge officer is seen in casual clothes    :          1 ea.
        :      SEE ALSO: Picard's & Beverly's special    :
        :                clothing rules.                 :
        :  A bridge officer is seen in dress uniform     :          1 ea.
        :  "Ensign Ethnic" or "Ensign Buxom" gets a line :          1
        :  Someone is referred to by their first name    :          1
        :  First names while sexual tension present      :          2
        :  The sarcophagus is used in sickbay            :          2
        :  Nobody leaves the ship, but we still see more :
        :      than one room of the alien ship/planet/etc:          2
        :  The same matte painting of an alien planet is :
        :      used after each commercial break          :          1
        :  The matte painting has a moving ground vehicle:          2
        :  Transporter Room 3 is used                    :          1
        :  A shuttlecraft appears unsafe                 :          1
        :  Someone reads a book                          :          1
        :  Mention of dilithium crystals                 :          1
        :  Someone adopts a persona (Dixon Hill, Sherlock:
        :      Holmes, etc.)                             :          1 ea.
        :  Someone receives a shot                       :          1
        :  Someone receives a shot from a non-medical    :
        :      officer                                   :          2
        :  A new alien has latex on its forehead         :          1
        :  A new alien also has differently shaped hands :          1
        :  A new alien doesn't have latex on its forehead:          2
        :  Someone preaches the Prime Directive          :          1
        :  Someone other than Picard preaches the P.D.   :          2
        :  Someone preaches about "Humanity's Unique     :
        :      Potential"                                :          1
        :  An "Old Earth Saying" is brought up           :          1
        :  A member of the bridge crew takes over a      :
        :      by pushing someone out of the way         :          2
        :  Someone wakes up from a nightmare             :          1
        :  The bridge crew contemplates mutiny           :          3
        :  The holodeck appears in its "natural" state   :          2
        :  Holodeck characters become aware of their own :
        :      ephemerality                              :          2
        :  Someone implies that 10 Forward is a Happening:
        :      Place                                     :          1
        :  They fade to commercial playing the "ominous  :
        :      horns"                                    :          1
        :  They fade to commercial with a soap-opera-like:
        :      close up on someone's face                :          1
        :  The Enterprise is hurled somewhere by another :
        :      force (Q, Tin Man, etc.)                  :          2
        :  Klingon is spoken                             :          1
        :  English is spoken by Klingons when they are   :
        :      alone and have no reason to speak English :          2
        :  Picard or Riker order a course change by      :
        :      exact X, Y, and Z coordinates, rather than:
        :      something like "Set course for Starbase 8":          3
        :  The computer makes that "I'm listening" chirp :          1
        :  An "expendable" is killed                     :          1 ea.
        :  A new alien ship is revealed                  :          1
        :  Something escapes the sensors                 :          1
        :  Something escapes the sensors and they use the:
        :      word "interference" as an excuse          :          2
        :  Communications malfunction/go out             :          1
        :  Transporter goes down                         :          1
        :  A token alien is shown in the background      :
        :      and has no lines                          :          1
        :  The token alien is a Vulcan                   :          2
        :  Yellow Alert                                  :          1
        :  Red Alert                                     :          2
        :  Intruder Alert                                :          3
        :  The Enterprise docks at a starbase            :          3
        :  Another Captain or Starfleet Command officer  :
        :      is shown                                  :          1
        :  A desk hologram is seen                       :          2
        :  There is a countdown                          :          1
        :  Someone stops the countdown                   :          2
        :  Bridge command is handed over                 :          1
        :  The Enterprise avoids a conflict rather than  :
        :      using force                               :          1
        :  The Enterprise actually fights (shots must be :
        :      fired)                                    :          2
        :  Someone uses the episode's title in a sentence:          2
        :  The saucer section separates                  :  Whole Beverage
        :  They contact someone via communicator or      :
        :      intercom without activating it            :          1
        :  Communicators don't work                      :          1
        :  Communicators are out of range                :          2
        :  The battle bridge is used                     :          1
        :  The battle bridge is used with the saucer     :
        :      section still attached                    :          2
        :  TNG contradicts a fact stated in TOS          :          2
        :  Dialogue in the turbolift                     :          1
        :  A poker game is shown                         :          1
        :  A log entry is made                           :          1
        :  A log entry is made - not by Picard           :          2
        :  A stardate is mentioned - not in a log entry  :          1
        :  An Old Earth Date is mentioned                :          2
        :  Someone requests that an image on the main    :
        :      viewer be magnified                       :          1
        :  Someone requests magnification when it's      :
        :      painfully obvious that it's necessary     :          2
        :  Readings go off the scale                     :          1
        :  The ship/crew is seconds away from disaster   :          1
        :  Someone removes their communicator            :          1
        :  Someone places their communicator on something:
        :      so it can be beamed away or destroyed     :          2
        :  Someone gives their communicator to a non-    :
        :      crewmember so they can communicate with   :
        :      the Enterprise                            :          3
        :  The transporter room can't lock on to someone :          1
        :  The transporter room pulls someone through    :
        :      after their ship explodes                 :          2
        :  Someone who normally pronounces "sensors" as  :
        :      "SEN-sers" pronounces it as "SEN-sohrs"   :          1
        :  Someone brings up the matter/antimatter ratio :          1
        :  A member of the bridge crew looks WAY too     :
        :      pleased with him/herself                  :          1
        :  A Captain's Log entry is made by someone other:
        :      than Picard                               :          2
        :  A sound effect from TOS is heard              :          1
        :  The camera pans  90 degrees to show how BIG   :
        :      the ship is                               :          1
        :  Someone changes their pronunciation of a word :
        :      within the same scene                     :          1
        :  Someone throws/is hit by/etc. styrofoam props :          1
        :  Someone quotes Shakespeare, etc. (See Picard) :          1
        :  A bad fight scene occurs                      :          1
        :  The Enterprise is taken over                  :          1
        :  The weapons are rendered useless              :          1
        :  Phasers are used for a different function than:
        :      intended (e.g. overload, power            :
        :      a transporter, etc.)                      :          1
        :  Harmonics are changed in shields/phasers/etc. :          1
        :  Someone alludes to a work/person/event/etc.   :
        :      that hasn't been made/existed/happened yet:          1
        :  A guest appearance is made by someone from TOS:          3
        :  Security alert or request                     :          1
        :  Part of a set is destroyed in a fistfight     :          2
        :  A succession of five face closeups with no    :
        :      dialogue                                  :          1
        :  A shuttlecraft is launched                    :          2
        :  A probe is launched                           :          1
        :  Someone mentions Jack Crusher                 :          2
        :  Someone is seen out of uniform (in civvies)   :          2
        :  The Enterprise is boarded by hostiles         :          2
        :  The warp engine light goes really fast        :          2
        :  The auto-destruct sequence is activated       :          3
        :  A principle character is put on trial         :          1
        :  The Enterprise is captured in a nebula/cloud  :          1
        :  A star returns from the dead                  :  Whole Beverage
        :  Ancient alien technology screws things up     :          1
        :  Someone is transported to somewhere other than:
        :      a transporter room or sickbay from        :
        :      somewhere other than a transporter room   :          2
        :  The Enterprise encounters an unknown energy   :
        :      form                                      :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Picard  :  "Make it so"                                  :          1
Quotes  :  "Engage"                                      :          1
        :  "Come"                                        :          1
        :  "Come" (in personal quarters)                 :          2
        :  "Captain's Log"                               :          1
        :  "Captain's Log, Supplemental"                 :          2
        :  "Proceed"                                     :          1
        :  "Number One"                                  :          1
        :  "The boy" in reference to Wesley              :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Picard  :  Straightens his uniform                       :          2
Actions :  Straightens his uniform before giving a speech:          3
        :  Drinks                                        :          2
        :  Drinks tea                                    :          3
        :  Drinks tea identified as Earl Grey            :          4
        :  Wears chest-revealing bedwear                 :          2
        :  Has an accident or is attacked                :          2
        :  Accident or attack draws blood                :          3
        :  Is possessed                                  :          4
        :  Requests a Level One Diagnostic               :          1
        :  Makes a speech that saves the day             :          1
        :  Tries to avoid Lwuxana Troi                   :          1
        :  Surrenders                                    :          1
        :  Leaves the ship                               :          1
        :  Leaves the ship to lead an away team          :          2
        :  Demonstrates knowledge of a foreign language  :          1
        :  Swears/hurls an insult in a foreign language  :          2
        :  Appears uncomfortable (around women, children):          1
        :  Quotes Shakespeare, etc.                      :          2
        :  Leaves the bridge during a crisis to talk with:
        :      Dr. Crusher or Guinan                     :          1
        :  Talks about death to Dr. Crusher              :          1
        :  Takes a communique from Starfleet in his ready:
        :      room                                      :          1
        :  Is called upon to mediate a dispute           :          2
        :  Takes the helm in a tricky situation          :          3
        :  Is seen on the bridge out of uniform          :          2
        :  Calls a meeting                               :          1
        :  Calls a meeting in the middle of a crisis     :          2
        :  Cries                                         :  Whole Beverage
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Worf    :  "Impressive"                                  :          1
Quotes  :  "Admirable"                                   :          1
        :  "Grrrrr" (A simple sneer qualifies)           :          1
        :  "I am a Klingon"                              :          1
        :  "Klingons do NOT..."                          :          1
        :  "Security Override!"                          :          2
        :  "Human women are too fragile"                 :          2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Worf    :  Uses the word "human" in a sense meaning puny,:
Actions :      weak, or otherwise not Klingon            :          2
        :  Gets beat up                                  :          1
        :  Actually wins a fight                         :          2
        :  Throws someone in the brig/Arrests someone    :          1
        :  Asks for an explanation of a human term/custom:          1
        :  Says something with a tilt of his head/nod    :          1
        :  Has a suggestion shot down offhandedly        :          2
        :  Fusses about his discommendation              :          2
        :  Makes a reference to his sexual prowess       :          2
        :  Mentions or participates in some bizarre      :
        :      Klingon ritual                            :          2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Data    :  "Fascinating"                                 :          1
Quotes  :  "Accessing"                                   :          1
        :  "Inquiry"                                     :          1
        :  "Intriguing"                                  :          1
        :  "I am an android"                             :          1
        :  "I cannot feel emotions", etc                 :          1
        :  "Increase speed"                              :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Data    :  Uses his strength                             :          1
Actions :  Uses his strength and shows up Worf           :          2
        :  Uses his superior android speed               :          1
        :  Innards are revealed                          :          1
        :  Innards are revealed other than his head      :          2
        :  Is cut off mid-sentence                       :          1
        :  Is cut off during a list of synonyms          :          2
        :  Stops himself during an inappropriate speech  :          2
        :  Has to have "An Old Earth Saying" explained   :          2
        :  Gives a list of synonyms for the term he did  :
        :      not understand                            :          1
        :  Is able to interpret/use alien technology in  :
        :      no time                                   :          1
        :  Uses a new colloquialism                      :          1
        :  Uses a contraction                            :  Whole Beverage
        :  Affects a human mannerism (e.g. Sherlock Data):          2
        :  Corrects somebody's grammar                   :          1
        :  Brent Spiner breaks character for comic effect:          1
        :  Gives an "approximation" out to several       :
        :      decimal places                            :          1
        :  Does that little head twitch                  :          1
        :  Gets kissed, etc.                             :          3
        :  Is told that he's more human than he thinks   :          2
        :  Is "used" to save the ship, beam down, or hang:
        :      around infected people because the        :
        :      situation is too dangerous for humans     :          3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riker   :  "Hell"                                        :          2
Quotes  :  "What the hell is going on?"                  :  Whole Beverage
        :  "You are personally responsible for the       :
        :      Captain's safety" to Worf                 :          2
        :  "With pleasure, sir"                          :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riker   :  Walks forward as if he's trying to knock an   :
Actions :      imaginary door down with his forehead     :          1
        :  Demonstrates knowledge of a foreign language  :          1
        :  Swears/hurls an insult in a foreign language  :          2
        :  Thrusts his chin out with a smug look         :          1
        :  Stands with his feet more than 2 ft. apart    :1 per ' beyond 2'
        :  Pronounces a word in a way that does not match:
        :      his heritage (e.g. charade=shur-AHD)      :          2
        :  Acts blatantly like Kirk                      :          1
        :  Gets that annoying smirk on his face          :          1
        :  Gets the girl                                 :          1
        :  Gets the girl for no apparent reason          :          2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
LaForge :  "...lost a lotta good people down there..."   :          1
Quotes  :  "Maybe not" in response to "Impossible"       :          2
        :  "I'm workin' on it!"                          :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
LaForge :  VISOR is taken or knocked off                 :          1
Actions :  Tweaks the warp engines/shields/tractor beams :          1
        :  Wishes he had human vision                    :          1
        :  Is used as a "human tricorder"                :          1
        :  Sees with his own eyes (VISORless)            :  Whole Beverage
        :  Interacts with a woman (real or not) in the   :
        :      holodeck                                  :          2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beverly :  "This won't hurt a bit"                       :          1
Quotes  :  "This shouldn't be happening"                 :          1
        :  "Nothing yet, but we're working on it"        :          1
        :  "He's dead [pause]"                           :          1
        :  "He's gone..."                                :          2
        :  "This man is dying!"                          :          3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beverly :  Can't figure out some bizarre medical problem :          1
Actions :  Uses the word "stumped" in regards to problem :          2
        :  Is seen in a sweater                          :          2
        :  Beams directly to sickbay or orders someone to:
        :      be beamed directly to sickbay             :          1
        :  Is seen on the bridge for no apparent reason  :          1
        :  Appears without her lab coat                  :          1
        :  Appears without her lab coat in sickbay       :          2
        :  Uses one of her ridiculous 24th century       :
        :      medical terms                             :          1
        :  Performs major surgery                        :          2
        :  Diagnoses something really obvious            :          1
        :  Shows maternal instinct                       :          2
        :  Loses a patient                               :          2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deanna  :  "What do YOU think about that?" or other quote:
Quotes  :      reminiscent of ELIZA                      :          1
        :  "Are you troubled?" (when they obviously are) :          1
        :  "Mother!  Please...!"                         :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Deanna  :  Senses something really shocking              :          1
Actions :  Gives us Betazoid insight into something      :
        :      really obvious                            :          2
        :  Senses (and lists) more than one emotion      :          1
        :  Cries                                         :          2
        :  Is hit on                                     :          1
        :  Rolls her eyes                                :          1
        :  Can't shut out all the feelings               :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
O'Brien :  Has a line in a first or second season episode:          1
Actions :  Disables a weapon during transport            :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wesley  :  "It's easy!" (or "simple", etc.)              :          1
Quotes  :  "Wow", "Gee", "Ooh", etc.                     :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wesley  :  Talks back to his mom                         :          1
Actions :  Saves the day                                 :          1
        :  Saves the day and nobody understands his      :
        :      pseudoscientific babbling                 :          2
        :  Saves the day and nobody thanks him           :          2
        :  Appears to be hitting on someone              :          1
        :  Gets that annoying "impish" grin              :          1
        :  Creates some spiffy new science project       :          1
        :  Gets that "I'm not just a kid" attitude       :          1
        :  Swallows really hard                          :          1
        :  Has his life threatened                       :          2
        :  Has his life threatened and he dies           : Party like it's
        :                                                :       1999!
        :  Is seen with a girl (other than when on duty) :          3
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lwuxana :  "Little One" in reference to Deanna           :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lwuxana :  Reads Picard's mind (or pretends to)          :          1
Actions :  Is referred to in an episode in which she does:
        :      not appear                                :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yar     :  Suggests that the Enterprise fight, upon      :
Actions :      meeting another ship, etc.                :          1
        :  Denise Crosby makes a guest appearance        :          1
        :  Decks someone                                 :          1
        :  Decks someone just to show her strength, etc. :          2
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pulaski :  Mispronounces Data's name                     :          1
        :  Calls Data "it" or accuses him of being unable:
        :      to do something because he's an android   :          1
        :  Cuts Picard off                               :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guinan  : Makes someone sigh at the end of a talk        :          1
        : Talks about "her people"                       :          1
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Variations

"Engage", "Make It So", "Energize", "Accessing", "On Screen" and "Magnify" are shot words - you must take a drink unless you say the exact word in unison with the dialogue. Two drinks if you say the wrong word.

Whenever Riker appears in a scene, the last person to say "Oink Oink" takes a drink.

If Troi "senses" something, everyone must stick a finger down their throats and make gagging sounds - last one to do so takes a drink. (This one could be dangerous in the latter stages of the game.)

At the start of a commercial break, guess who will do the next log entry. Take a drink if you're wrong. If there's no log entry, everyone drinks.

When Data launches into a long explanation, the last person to interrupt with "Thank you, Commander..." takes a drink. Doesn't count if you say it after it's said on the screen.

Whenever Wesley saves the ship, throw something at the TV. Take a drink if you don't hit Wesley.

Before the show, everyone predicts Dr. Crusher's hairstyle. Everyone who is wrong has to take a drink.

Whenever Troi gets a headache, drink until the headache subsides.

Before the show, everyone predicts Guinan's hat style (stop sign or teardrop). Everyone who is wrong has to take a drink.

Whenever Data embarasses himself, drink until somebody stops him.


Compiled by: Mark Yocom (n9043860@henson.cc.wwu.edu)

Special Thanks To:

Game source: The (Un)Official Internet Bartender's Guide



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