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Subject: How to be a TERRIBLE bartender. (G.A.B.I.)
From: Thinking Bartender
Posted: Sun Jul 3. 2022, 21:52 UTC

Giving A Bad Impression.

1. Tell yourself that you are not a bartender. Pretend that this is just a 
temporary job until you get your big break. Remember that you are a jobbing 
actor.

2. When restocking a fridge always make sure that the labels are facing in 
different directions rather than straight forward.

3. When throwing away empty bottles make sure to slam them into the garbage as 
hard as possible so as to create the maximum amount of noise and thus startle 
all the customers.

4. When any song is playing make sure to sing along as loudly as you can with 
entirely the wrong lyrics. If you feel like drumming on the Barcounter with 
your hands then please do. And remember to ignore any irritated looks from 
customers or coworkers. 

5. Make a move on any and all females who enter your establishment. Remember 
that you are not being a sexpest, you are God's gift to all women.

6. When you feel like smoking a cigarette just go outside and light one up. 
There is no need to tell people where you are going, what has it got to do 
with them? It doesn't matter if the bar is busy because everyone else can just 
work harder. And if anyone is irritated by your absence then they are just 
being unreasonable. 

7. When accepting a delivery from a liquor company do not under any 
circumstances check the items delivered against the invoice. Just sign it and 
pack it away. It is quicker this way and let's the delivery driver get on 
their merry way. Delivery drivers never make mistakes and certainly wouldn't 
try and keep something for themselves.

8. If you feel hungry just eat anything that comes back from any cleared 
tables. And make sure to eat any leftovers behind the bar and in front of 
customers.

9. Remember that the staff rota/ roster is just a guideline as to when you 
should arrive for work. You can also say that you arrived at the correct time 
and just finish eating your breakfast, drink a coffee, and smoke a cigarette. 
If you are in the building then that counts as being at work.

10. There is no need to polish cutlery or glasses, someone else can do that. 

11. Don't dry plates after washing them. Just stack them up so that a layer of 
water forms on each plate. This is obviously a waste of your time and someone 
else can do it.


-- 
Cheers!

George Sinclair


Website: http://sites.google.com/site/bourbongeorge/

Facebook Group: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=53841759335&ref=mf


"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources." 
 - Albert Einstein.


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