im a big fan of milk and honey's house rules
http://www.mlkhny.com/houserules/
B
> The 86 Rules of Bar Room Behavior
>
> 1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar.
> Preferably during happy hour.
> 2. Always toast before doing a shot.
> 3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
> 4. Change your toast at least once a month.
> 5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
> 6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool.
> 7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one
> night.
> 8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order
> a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half
> martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and
> two-part cocktails.
> 9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
> 10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a
> drink.
> 11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot:
> - Great, now I’m going to get drunk.
> - I hate shots because they always make me puke.
> 12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
> 13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the
> message.
> 14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does
> not like you.
> 15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still
> might not like you.
> 16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
> 17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor
> preference.
> 18. Always have a corkscrew in your vehicle.
> 19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the
> bottle with a pen.
> 20. If you're a guy, and you drink one girly drink in public and you
> will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
> 21. If you're a gal and you do shots, all the guys will think you're
> easy.
> 22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the
> same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.
> 23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the
> bathroom. Men do not.
> 24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror.
> It will shake your confidence.
> 25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a
> shot with four or more people.
> 26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night.
> If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again.
> If he does play it, do not approach him again.
> 27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be
> surprised how well it works.
> 28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar.
> Go to the liquor store.
> 29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back
> in beer.
> 30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
> 31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months,
> you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you
> leave them one.
> 32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has
> been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.
> 33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen
> liquor.
> 34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least
> two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.
> 35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every
> jackass would be doing it.
> 36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and
> browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.
> 37. Try one new drink each week.
> 38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make
> small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then
> you're off the hook. The same goes for him.
> 39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is
> $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has
> handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail
> waitress, small change has no value.
> 40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the
> same,” then you are a cheap ass.
> 41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better
> looking.
> 42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they
> keep their drink to their mouth.
> 43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it
> up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up,
> then blame it on someone else.
> 44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say
> it.
> 45. It's okay to drink alone.
> 46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds
> after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby”
> or “darling”.
> 47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized
> brandy snifter.
> 48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face
> Eraser.
> 49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it,
> don't accept it.
> 50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.
> 51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.
> 52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.
> 53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.
> 54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and
> lean.
> 55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are
> slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not
> speaking English.
> 56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.
> 57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will
> get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will
> lose the fight.
> 58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is
> hilarious.
>
> 59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh
> at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.
> 60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may
> steal any drink he leaves unattended.
> 61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent
> of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.
> 62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're
> ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will
> end up buying more drinks than him.
> 63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure
> you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.
> 64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.
> 65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.
> 66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are
> right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.”
> 67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in
> the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
> 68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step
> the hell away from the bar.
> 69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
> 70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your
> fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to
> sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.
> 71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a
> night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends
> will understand. If they even notice.
> 72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're
> hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old
> arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time
> you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
> 73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
> 74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender
> looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.
> 75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you
> dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
> 76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks
> for a packed bar.
> 77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this
> is going to be a hassle, but . . .”
> 78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy
> begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.
> 79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To
> come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.
> 80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of
> way.
> 81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the
> no-tell liquor.
> 82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if
> you’re supposed to be at work.
> 83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
> 84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best
> gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.
> 85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a
> handshake and a kiss.
> 86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.