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Subject: Re: Rules of Bar Room Behavior
From: Graphixaddict
Posted: Sat Apr 8. 2006, 22:03 UTC
Followup to: "Rules of Bar Room Behavior"  by Chance  (Sat Apr 8. 2006, 15:17 UTC)
im a big fan of milk and honey's house rules

http://www.mlkhny.com/houserules/

B


> The 86 Rules of Bar Room Behavior
> 
> 1. If you owe someone money, always pay them back in a bar. 
> Preferably during happy hour.
>  2. Always toast before doing a shot.
>  3. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
>  4. Change your toast at least once a month.
>  5. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
>  6. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. 
>  7. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one 
> night.
>  8. When the bartender is slammed, resist the powerful urge to order 
> a slightly-dirty, very-dry, in-and-out, super-chilled half-and-half 
> martini with a lemon twist. Limit orders to beer, straight shots and 
> two-part cocktails.
>  9. Get the bartender's attention with eye contact and a smile.
>  10. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a 
> drink.
>  11. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: 
> - Great, now I’m going to get drunk. 
> - I hate shots because they always make me puke.
>  12. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
>  13. If he makes it too weak, order a double next time. He'll get the 
> message.
>  14. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does 
> not like you.
>  15. If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still 
> might not like you.
>  16. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
>  17. If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor 
> preference.
>  18. Always have a corkscrew in your vehicle.
>  19. If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the 
> bottle with a pen.
>  20. If you're a guy, and you drink one girly drink in public and you 
> will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.
>  21. If you're a gal and you do shots, all the guys will think you're 
> easy.
>  22. Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the 
> same thing—urinating, waiting in line or washing your hands.
>  23. Girls hang out, apply make-up, and have long talks in the 
> bathroom. Men do not.
>  24. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. 
> It will shake your confidence.
>  25. It is only permissible to shout 'woo-hoo!' if you are doing a 
> shot with four or more people.
>  26. If there is a d.j., you can request a song only once per night. 
> If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. 
> If he does play it, do not approach him again.
>  27. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be 
> surprised how well it works.
>  28. If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. 
> Go to the liquor store.
>  29. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back 
> in beer.
>  30. Never complain about the quality or brand of a free drink.
>  31. If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, 
> you may drink all their beer, even if it's hidden, as long as you 
> leave them one.
>  32. You can have a shot of their hard liquor only if the cap has 
> been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.
>  33. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen 
> liquor.
>  34. If you bring Old Milwaukee to a party, you must drink at least 
> two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.
>  35. Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times every 
> jackass would be doing it.
>  36. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and 
> browse through all the drinks you’ve never tried.
>  37. Try one new drink each week.
>  38. If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make 
> small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then 
> you're off the hook. The same goes for him.
>  39. Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is 
> $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has 
> handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail 
> waitress, small change has no value.
>  40. If you have ever told a bartender, “Hey, it all spends the 
> same,” then you are a cheap ass.
>  41. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better 
> looking.
>  42. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they 
> keep their drink to their mouth.
>  43. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it 
> up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, 
> then blame it on someone else.
>  44. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say 
> it.
> 45. It's okay to drink alone.
>  46. After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds 
> after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her “baby” 
> or “darling”.
>  47. Nothing screams 'nancy boy' louder than swirling an oversized 
> brandy snifter.
>  48. Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind or Face 
> Eraser.
>  49. If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, 
> don't accept it.
>  50. Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.
>  51. Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.
>  52. Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.
>  53. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.
>  54. Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and 
> lean.
>  55. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are 
> slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not 
> speaking English.
>  56. Screaming, “Someone buy me a drink!” has never worked.
>  57. For every drink, there is a five percent better chance you will 
> get in a fight. There is also a three percent better chance you will 
> lose the fight.
>  58. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is 
> hilarious.
> 
> 59. If you are broke and a friend is “sporting you”, you must laugh 
> at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.
>  60. If you are broke and a friend is “making sport of you”, you may 
> steal any drink he leaves unattended.
>  61. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent 
> of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.
>  62. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're 
> ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will 
> end up buying more drinks than him.
>  63. If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure 
> you tip well before and after, regardless of her response.
>  64. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.
>  65. Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.
>  66. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are 
> right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I'm an idiot.”
>  67. Never ask a bartender “what's good tonight?” They do not fly in 
> the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
>  68. If there is a line for drinks, get your goddamn drink and step 
> the hell away from the bar.
>  69. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
>  70. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your 
> fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to 
> sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.
>  71. It's acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a 
> night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends 
> will understand. If they even notice.
>  72. Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're 
> hammered and they’re sober. It's akin to a precocious five-year-old 
> arguing the super-string theory with a physicist. 99.9% of the time 
> you're wrong and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.
>  73. If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.
>  74. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender 
> looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.
>  75. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you silly, wine makes you 
> dramatic, tequila makes you felonious.
>  76. The greatest thing a drunkard can do is buy a round of drinks 
> for a packed bar.
>  77. Never preface a conversation with a bartender with “I know this 
> is going to be a hassle, but . . .”
>  78. When you’re in a bar and drunk, your boss is just another guy 
> begging for a fat lip. Unless he’s buying.
>  79. If you are 86’d, do not return for at least three months. To 
> come back sooner makes it appear no other bar wants you.
>  80. Anyone with three or more drinks in his hands has the right of 
> way.
>  81. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the 
> no-tell liquor.
>  82. There’s nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if 
> you’re supposed to be at work.
>  83. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
>  84. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best 
> gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.
>  85. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a 
> handshake and a kiss.
>  86. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.


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